Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month!

While filled with illusion I wrote you a letter and I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of rollerblades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year! Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, Santa, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my brothers, my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity!

WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A F*CKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE F*CK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH? YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE F*CKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE. AS IF YOU HADN'T F*CKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY F*CKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE! PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR! I'LL F*CK YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS, AND SCARE THEM THE F*CK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE NORTHPOLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT F*CKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BITCH!! YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, F*CK YOU!! NEXT YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN REALLY F*CKING BE...YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON A MOTHERF*CKER FAR TOO LONG! SO WATCH YOUR BACK NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT BITCH!

Sincerely,

Johnny

Αγάπη μου... 

Σ' ευχαριστώ που κάνεις λες και δεν συνέβη ποτέ.

Σ' ευχαριστώ που δεν το έκανες θέμα.
Σ' ευχαριστώ που δεν με κορόιδεψες.
Σ' ευχαριστώ που μ' αγαπάς ακόμη.
Σ' ευχαριστώ που δεν με έκανες να νιώσω χάλια.

Σ' ευχαριστώ που καμώθηκες πως κοιμάσαι.

Σ' ευχαριστώ που μ' άφησες να καμώνομαι πως κοιμάμαι...

Σ΄αγαπώ...

Αγαπημένη μου,

επειδή πιθανόν να μην βρούμε γραμμή να σου ευχηθούμε σήμερα λόγω διογκωμένου fan club (και δικαίως), σου στέλνω κυβερνητικά (cyber) σοκολατάκια από τα βάθη της καρδιάς μου. Φτιάχνουμε κι άλλα πράγματα στα βάθη της καρδιάς μου, όπως κουραμπιέδες, μελομακάρονα, γύρο, πίτσες, σουβλάκια - αναλαμβάνουμε και πάρτυ, βαφτίσεις, γάμους.

Θέλω να θυμάσαι ότι σε υπεραγαπώ, ότι είσαι trés special και σου αξίζει ό,τι καλύτερο, το οποίο εύχομαι να αποκτήσεις σύντομα - γιατί, που λέει και η L'Oreal, σου πάει... ή κάτι τέτοιο.

Με όλη μου την αγάπη

x x x

Υ.Γ. Ναι, ναι, I'm talking to YOU - thank me.